he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.