So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.