In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.