Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...