you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.