Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
3 2 1 whiskey
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.