I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.