I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.