That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals