Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion