Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...