Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.