So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.