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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
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