She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?