I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.