I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of