He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome