Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?