Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.