I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch