You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So vagazzling was a success
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?