I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.