anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish