after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song