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Last Night in Washington (360)

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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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(360): She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone. http://tfl.nu/5hxx

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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.

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(360): So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five. http://tfl.nu/vwra

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So that wine I told you about is vile...

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That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?

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Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.

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(425): So that wine I told you about is vile... (360): That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it? (425): Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something. http://tfl.nu/ggqv

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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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(360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny

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do we own a ladder

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We do not.

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then how am i on the roof

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(360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq

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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

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It was me.

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(360): Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who. (360): It was me. http://tfl.nu/kgk9

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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.

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(360): Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home. http://tfl.nu/g7t7

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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.

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(360): Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred. http://tfl.nu/7z2u

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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.

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(360): Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try. http://tfl.nu/j8hc

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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.

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(360): Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats. http://tfl.nu/2ns1

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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.

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(360): I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard. http://tfl.nu/3vju

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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn

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(360): He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn http://tfl.nu/981u

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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

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I want to be you.

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(360): I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze" (425): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/ldeq

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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.

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DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

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(360): Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid. (360): DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY. http://tfl.nu/38em

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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.

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(360): It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha. http://tfl.nu/9aca

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Last Night in Washington (360)

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