The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im part way to drunk.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose