Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...