Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.