I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.