I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.