Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod