Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!