Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?