If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im part way to drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.