can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.