I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im part way to drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.