Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.