I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"