So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.