That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.