Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid