I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record