May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of