I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere