You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
7 Great Movies – with Drinking Games that Make them Even Better
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
15 Things You’ll Miss About College – and 7 Things You Definitely Won’t
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be