The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.