I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise