He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.