Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.