Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing