I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..