Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Follow @tfln