she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
