No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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