we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
