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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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