Can you repeat that, but with context?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing