I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns