too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.