Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.