I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.