He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze