I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...