Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.