We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...