If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.