Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children