I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night