Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you. Go after that dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.