Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy