Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?