there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...