I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.