It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.