You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level