It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.