I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.