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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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