She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life