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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
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