Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (858)

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  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
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  i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see

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  (858): i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see http://tfl.nu/4pqk
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  Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.

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  i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

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  (858): Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions. (858): i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents http://tfl.nu/ut40
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  I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking

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  (858): I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking http://tfl.nu/c48d
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  anal on a first date. tsk tsk.

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  (858): anal on a first date. tsk tsk. http://tfl.nu/9mlb
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  I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

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  (858): I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star. http://tfl.nu/5mxp
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  he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order

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  (858): he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order http://tfl.nu/kgbm
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  I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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  (858): I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell. http://tfl.nu/6q5z
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  You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...

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  (858): You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there... http://tfl.nu/mklp
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  I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

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  (858): I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast. http://tfl.nu/8lsx
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  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
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  you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.

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  (858): you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch. http://tfl.nu/r7zt
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  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

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  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
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  we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.

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  (858): we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching. http://tfl.nu/2epj
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  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
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