Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??