Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (812)

Last Night in Indiana (812)

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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?

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(812): Is it too early to say this year has been a blur? http://tfl.nu/q8ht

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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet

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(812): He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet http://tfl.nu/4ir7

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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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(812): It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind. http://tfl.nu/4evb

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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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(812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m

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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.

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(812): I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy. http://tfl.nu/z5fr

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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with

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(812): There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with http://tfl.nu/wqvq

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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby

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(812): I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby http://tfl.nu/u8rx

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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.

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(812): You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed. http://tfl.nu/qkrz

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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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(812): You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time. http://tfl.nu/0lxp

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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.

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(812): I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ijx1

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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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(812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi

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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

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Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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(812): Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do. (812): Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this. http://tfl.nu/m912

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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level

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(812): that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level http://tfl.nu/3djd

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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing

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(812): Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing http://tfl.nu/c12t

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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

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(812): I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/ol7y

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Last Night in Indiana (812)

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