i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.