If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.