some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.