He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.