I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun