Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (778)

Last Night in British Columbia (778)

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.

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(778): Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town. http://tfl.nu/ynab

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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?

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(778): On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check? http://tfl.nu/1mv7

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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool

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(778): He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool http://tfl.nu/x8lz

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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.

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(778): they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see. http://tfl.nu/hkkp

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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?

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(778): they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date? http://tfl.nu/4653

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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year

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wow. THAT good huh

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(778): he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year (604): wow. THAT good huh http://tfl.nu/7t5m

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He should be castrated

(604): View more from British Columbia

Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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(778): He should be castrated (604): Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons http://tfl.nu/5v9r

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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

I wish I could understand how you function in society

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(778): it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body (1-778): I wish I could understand how you function in society http://tfl.nu/9z0t

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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic

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(778): the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic http://tfl.nu/wmnz

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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

You fool.

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(778): I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps. (1-778): You fool. http://tfl.nu/kp0u

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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

Too much penis in there.

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(778): Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god" (1-778): Too much penis in there. http://tfl.nu/nb8j

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I think we need to teach you what straight means again

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(778): I think we need to teach you what straight means again http://tfl.nu/9bex

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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.

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(778): She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/9heo

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Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.

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(778): Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact. http://tfl.nu/nx0r

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Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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(778): Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP. http://tfl.nu/dcb2

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Last Night in British Columbia (778)

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