I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs